In a world with pimp cars, new phones and electronics everyday, it's hard not to get caught up in fast pace of the world. Sometimes we need to stop and think about what we really value before we go and buy or do something. But how do you know you really value something? Is it the price tag on the item that makes it valuable? Or is it the time that we spend doing something we love most with the people we love most? At times, I think my most expensive items I have are my most valuable items. But then there's a moment that will only happen once or a time that I enjoy myself and have fun, and I realise that there are some things that you cannot put a price tag on.
The green, slick front slides across to show the lens. The dark black screen blinks on shows what is right in front of me. This moment is one to be remembered, like the many others I have taken pictures or videos of in the past. The battery had been charging all night for this show of talents. She steps on stage as I press the video button. It begins recording just as the song she finally chose begins to play. Her voice fills the auditorium as my hands shake. I try to steady them to better the outcome of the video. She moves her arms as she sings making the her small body fill the stage and the camera screen. The memory card begins to fill as she finishes the last notes. As I close the front of my Fuji film Finepix Z, I think about how I just caught a great moment on film and what I would do without it. Now, I could watch her sing Breakaway whenever I wanted. It was a moment meant to last and, with the camera, it could.
My camera cost about two hundred dollars. It has a 2.5 inch LCD screen with 150,000 pixels. Depending on where you shop, you can get it in seven different colors. I chose lime green because it is one of my favorites. It captures all the best moments and with its rechargeable battery, it's always ready.
The ball bounces back and forth against my pads. The clock slowly counts down. The score: three to nil. On the way to another shutout. I can feel my heart beat faster with second. Both teams' sticks on the ground as the white sphere quickly rolls across the circle. The other team gets a stick on it and pushes it towards me and my home. I quickly shuffle over but it continues rolling towards the goal. Juliette is there with her stick on the ground. She saves the ball and we continue the fight.
Finally, I get my foot across my body. The ball shoots from the post area and past many sets of feet and sticks. The ball continues and the clear goes out to the alley. Olivia picks it up and continues down the field as the clock counts down from ten. Her only goal is to get the ball as far away from me as possible. A defender from the other team and Olivia fight for the ball. Five, four, three, two, one. The whistle is blown.
I value both my camera and my shutout for different reasons. I value my camera because it costs a lot of money, and because it was a birthday gift. I also value it because it captures a lot of moments that are important to me like the talent show. I value my shutout because after the whistle blew, I knew all my hard work and conditioning had paid off. The shutout also showed that my team have my back which makes it even more valuable because they played a part in it.
My camera and the shutout are valuable for alike reasons. I enjoy looking through the pictures and watching the videos on my camera. I also love shuffling back and forth across the circle during field hockey games. They're both good memories and taking pictures with my camera and being goalie are both things I love doing.
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the author seems to say that just because something is expensive doesn't mean that it is valuable. she values her camera because it captures valuable moments that maybe wont ever happen again. she also values her shutout because she knew that all her hard work had finally paid off
ReplyDeletethe camera stood out more vividly in my mind because i thought it was really descriptive. i can also relate better to the camera.
i think the essay's overall strength is its introduction. it tells the reader what the world is like and it sort of gives a preview to what the essay is going to be about.
what you can do to improve on your essay is adding more details to the camera paragraph.
The author is saying about value that her camera has a price on it. she strongly values her shut out. She seems to be saying ,is the pricetag on an item makes it valuable. She also says that sometimes she thinks she values more the items she can put a pricetag on. There are still those moments, though, when she relizes she can't put a pricetag on them.
ReplyDeleteI think that the priceless moment is the one most vividly describd in this essay. i love the line that talks about how the clock counted down from five. i could really picture the cloks big numbers that would flash across the board. I also like the line that sayd both teams sticks were down as thew white sphere rolls quickly across the circle. That is my favorite line because i know exactley what it looks like since i play field hockey and it really looks just like she described it.
One of the overall strengths of the essay was the organization. I never got confused with what she was talking about at all in the essay. She put everything in the right order and kept the same ideas together. She even put the double space when she started talking about another subject.
A piece of advice would be to put a little more detail in the paragraph abou tyour priced item. for example, you could have said how much it was worth. Also you could have described the camera itself a little more, like what it looked like. I thought i was a really well written essay. i loved the way you started it. The comparisons were very good also. Niceeee jobbbb!!! :)
The author seems to be saying that both material items and priceless moment are valuable to her. She values her camera both because it is worth a lot of money and because it allows her to capture and remember her priceless moments. But she also values her shutout because ti makes her feel accomplished. She values both of these things.
ReplyDeleteI like when she is describing filming the talent show. She says how her hands are shaking. You can tell that she is excited for the performance, and nervous. You can also picture the scene because the description of the act is detailed. I also like when she is describing what id going on in the circle. You can see the play happening in slow motion. She is very specific when describing what is happening.
I think that an overall strength of this essay is its description. The author's descriptions are very detailed and exciting at some points. The author almost makes you feel like you are a part of the scene.
One suggestion I would make to this author would be to reread the essay. A couple sentences were slightly confusing to me. I thought some could have been worded a little differently. But overall, I thought it was a very good essay. =]